id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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