he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
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Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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