i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
