am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
