using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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