I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
