This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
