i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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