She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
