I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
