Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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