No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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