Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize