It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
