i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
