apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
