you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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