He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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