I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
