is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my liver is dry heaving
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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