She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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