Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
