He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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