he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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