with your own penis?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
