i just google imaged poop.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
