My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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