Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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