Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
