Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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