the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
