There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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