I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
