I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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