Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize