Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
