So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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