Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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