My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
