well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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