He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
