please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
