i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
