i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This baby is an asshole
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
