he shaved USA in his pubs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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