Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
