Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
