when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
