i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
