Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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