oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
