They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
