Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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