gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
