So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
are you so shy because you have an std?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
