the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize