I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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