i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
