I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize