You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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