Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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