this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
