just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
