I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize